Diving into the divine.

As much as I hate to admit,
I have fallen into the pit
the deep, dark, hopeless pit
called depression


Disheartening as it may sound
I like it here
I am comfortable here
I learned plenty here


So forgive me, if
I seem reluctant to come up
There is nothing left for me
and they could only love so much


In the bathtub
Staring into timed taps of water drops
the sound to which I found safety
and home


The water drops
slow but certain, and infinite
And I am certainly patient
for my moment to dive.


I have fallen into this abyss
so you, my dear, have to find another
Here I stay
so you will never fall in, too.

Please leave

Oh you
the love of my life
I surrendered my heart to you


An aspiring healer
through the fog of your vulgarity
I searched for you


You scorched my patience
stretched my faith
eventually


For a single wrong
I was abandoned
How simple


You left me wondering
Waiting
Writhing


And you returned, with similar ease
as when you left
oh you


I may have lost the one I loved
But you have lost
the one who loved you

Aida K.

If I see you again
I will not explain anything
I will not explain myself
We're way past that.

If I see you again
I will never ask what happened
Between us
Warm, then cold days later

If I see you again
I will ask of the present
and wish for a future
Our guard is up, I should know

If I see you again
I will wonder if you will ever know
or if you will want to hear
How could you, you're way past that

If I see you again
I will keep my distance
as you yours
I will hurt you no more.

If I see you again.

Expensive

if one of us has to go
i’d rather hope you go first

at least i could be there for you
for the rest of your life

and loneliness to you
is solitude to me

a second spent on me
is a second repaid to you

for the rest of my life
i am eternally indebted

Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence

If only
memories locked in
recorded taps on ivories
would stay where it belongs

It would not have rained
despite the scorching sun
and the river
remain dammed.

I tire
of memories
coming and leaving
as it pleases

Why did I lie?

"Conveniently amused
and lively laughter,
almost always lonely,"
you said

Loud for a sizable public
Specific to present subject
Either truth or imagination
.. me.

You knew my safe place
Aisles of inked bound papers
A balance between solitude
and selective chatters.

Silly me
why did I lie-
"Past tense?"
As if.

Oh I love you still
Jokes ever so disappointing
Open yet private
The Chakra to my Fissure

Fear has its cost.
The one that got away
Away you go, now
to she who sees you better.

Acrophobia.

Brightest I am not
sloth, almost a vice
Brighter I would have been
if I burn more

Staked to the ground
but dreams infinite
Mind averse to silence
with chaos barely contained

The higher I go
the deeper I curl
You look up to me
but it is you I revered

I have little to give
owned none worthy of pride
to you I am stable
to me I am a shame

Why do you regard me so highly
I am only grounded
All I give was empathy
for I could not offer better

To another phase.

For all the smiles I have lost for so long
For the excited faces you always see
For the dad jokes you disappoint me with
For that 'oh' when you saw my eyes that day

Thank you

for being the father
that I will never let in deep
but would trust just the same

Saved when it began
Relieved when it ended
Shorter and it would feel incomplete
Longer and I wouldn't let go

Time for me to go
my time is done-
but should our paths cross
disappoint me with your dad jokes again.