Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence

If only
memories locked in
recorded taps on ivories
would stay where it belongs

It would not have rained
despite the scorching sun
and the river
remain dammed.

I tire
of memories
coming and leaving
as it pleases

Why did I lie?

"Conveniently amused
and lively laughter,
almost always lonely,"
you said

Loud for a sizable public
Specific to present subject
Either truth or imagination
.. me.

You knew my safe place
Aisles of inked bound papers
A balance between solitude
and selective chatters.

Silly me
why did I lie-
"Past tense?"
As if.

Oh I love you still
Jokes ever so disappointing
Open yet private
The Chakra to my Fissure

Fear has its cost.
The one that got away
Away you go, now
to she who sees you better.

Acrophobia.

Brightest I am not
sloth, almost a vice
Brighter I would have been
if I burn more

Staked to the ground
but dreams infinite
Mind averse to silence
with chaos barely contained

The higher I go
the deeper I curl
You look up to me
but it is you I revered

I have little to give
owned none worthy of pride
to you I am stable
to me I am a shame

Why do you regard me so highly
I am only grounded
All I give was empathy
for I could not offer better

To another phase.

For all the smiles I have lost for so long
For the excited faces you always see
For the dad jokes you disappoint me with
For that 'oh' when you saw my eyes that day

Thank you

for being the father
that I will never let in deep
but would trust just the same

Saved when it began
Relieved when it ended
Shorter and it would feel incomplete
Longer and I wouldn't let go

Time for me to go
my time is done-
but should our paths cross
disappoint me with your dad jokes again.