Why did I lie?

"Conveniently amused
and lively laughter,
almost always lonely,"
you said

Loud for a sizable public
Specific to present subject
Either truth or imagination
.. me.

You knew my safe place
Aisles of inked bound papers
A balance between solitude
and selective chatters.

Silly me
why did I lie-
"Past tense?"
As if.

Oh I love you still
Jokes ever so disappointing
Open yet private
The Chakra to my Fissure

Fear has its cost.
The one that got away
Away you go, now
to she who sees you better.